Putting on your oxygen mask

I remember when I moved to Leeds and I was still adjusting to this new place, new culture and of course new people. I'm not a very extroverted person, I can chat with people, maybe make new friends, but I'm not the kind who will just go up and strike a conversation with someone. People would come to me with their problems or things that were bothering them and I'd listen and unfortunately I'd end up absorbing their negative feelings and end up feeling bad for no reason. That combined with the fact that many (actually all) of my friends were younger to me was starting to put a bit of a strain on my mind.

So, I would end up going to the library and reading or just sitting there observing people so I could get some peace of mind. It would work, until I was out of the library and the cycle would just repeat itself. One day, this woman at my table in the library just decided to say hello to me, out of nowhere. I didn't know her from Adam, but something about her told me that I could trust her. And before I knew it, out spilled all of those feelings I'd been holding in so far.

She looked at me for a while, just listening, she didn't offer any opinion or interrupt me in any way. She just listened. And when I was done, she told me just one thing, 'Put on your oxygen mask, before you assist other people'. At first I thought, why in the world is she repeating something I hear when I'm sitting in a plane? But the more I thought about it, I understood what she meant. I was taking everything and everyone way too seriously, I was absorbing everyone's emotions and letting people vent to me, but I was neglecting myself. I was taking on the problems of the world and neglecting to let go of my own burdens. I was letting people who had no business being in my life, drain my energy.

And I realised that this wasn't a onetime occurrence. I had done this when I was working, in my friendships or relationships and with family. I was constantly neglecting to secure my oxygen mask and trying to assist someone else and if I didn't stop doing it, it would kill me eventually.

I was drained all the time, physically and emotionally and that woman's words just gave me the push I needed to wake up and do something about it. I still struggle sometimes with this concept, but I'm definitely not the same person I was a year ago.

There are a few things I learned over this one year and here are some of them:

1) Learn to say 'no'

There are times when you can help someone and there are times you just need to set that boundary and let them help themselves. Don't get me wrong, I'm always there for my closest friends, but sometimes you just need to take some time off and recharge your brain. You don't owe anyone your time or your life. There are people who will genuinely be there for you and listen to your problems and help you find solutions to them, but there are also those energy vampires who will just pile all of their issues on you and the moment you try to talk to them about a problem you're facing, suddenly they're nowhere to be seen.

So find the difference between those few genuine people and the energy vampires. Learn to say no to people who try to monopolize your time and energy and manipulate you emotionally.

2) Be selfish

I don't mean, be a spoiled little princess. But, take time out for yourself. Do the things you love doing. In my case, I love to read, travel, and sometimes even write. So when I need a break from the world, you'll find me with my nose buried in a book and with earphones on. Recharge yourself and then go back to your life, you'll feel better equipped to handle whatever life throws at you, trust me!

3) Keep your friend circle small

I used to have a huge friend circle and everyone was talking about everyone else, there was gossip, fights and drama every day. It gets to you sometimes. Right now, I have maybe 5 or 6 close friends and I don't have to talk to them every day, but I know they're for real and that itself is a huge support. Drama looks good only in the movies, so keep your friend circle small.

4) Exercise!

I'm a lazy bum, my friends can vouch for this, but it's important to move your body at least once a day. Everything they say about endorphin is true. Also, it'll reduce that beer belly :P

5) Don't take everything seriously

We all have this bad habit of taking ourselves and the world around us way too seriously. Yes, I know, sometimes you need to be serious in life and deal with things a certain way. But, don't take the weight of the world on your shoulders. Even if it's work, or relationships, try not to take things too personally. We have just one life to live so try to smile and be happy for as long as you can, there will be pitfalls in life, but we get up and move forward and do better.

There you go; these are the few things that I've learned from my experience. I'm still learning new things everyday and it gets easier each day to remember that I need to secure my own mask before I can help someone else. I never saw that woman in the library again. But whoever she was, she made a difference in my life that day and I'll always be thankful for that.

So make a promise to yourself today that you'll take care of yourself before you try to save the whole world. Put on your oxygen mask, before you assist other people.​​

*Images from Google.